the most beautiful life possible

“The most beautiful life possible has always seemed to me to be one where everything is determined…by the pressure of circumstances…and where there is never any room for choice.” [1]

Simone Weil

There is a bad kind of pressure that forces you into something you don’t want. And there is a good kind, which moves you toward a beautiful life. Weil is talking of the good kind. In my domestic monastery, the “pressure of circumstances” determines so much for me each hour. Usually my attempts at escaping the pressure are futile. The kids make it near impossible not to be present to what is actually happening. But I still try almost every day to escape. However, even when I “succeed,” I have an anxiety in my spirit which makes the escaping very unpleasant.

Entering into the “most beautiful life” Weil speaks of requires two things she is fond of writing about: acceptance and obedience. First, accepting that the actual facts of my life—the demands of the day—are what has been determined for me. Then obedience: answering those demands by offering my own undivided presence.

Honestly, in the moment, Weil’s path feels like death to me. I think in large part because I still have a belief that “the most beautiful life possible” is not where everything is determined, but where I determine everything.

[1]: This quote may seem appalling to you, and that’s okay. You’ve got to read Weil to understand.